Everyone at the Game Store liked Legacy a lot
But one Brewer who played there quite often did not!
How he hated that Legacy! The whole Legacy format!
No one really knows why. It’s not wise to ask that.
It could be, perhaps, that the decks were unfair.
It could be that Force made him tear out his hair.
But I think the best answer for all of his hate
Was the cost of each deck was far, far too great.
For whatever reason, the decks or the Force,
He sat at his work desk, brewing of course!
Glaring at his computer with a crazed Brewer’s smirk
As he thought up his decks, but not one of them worked.
For he knew when the Game Store would run such events
Where bringing something weak made next to no sense.
“And they’re all playing combos,” he snarled and jeered.
“And Jund, Sneak and Show! The solution is clear!”
Then he jotted and plotted, with nothing conclusive,
“I must think of something that’s completely abusive!
For Legacy Night, and I know this as fact,
They won’t be prepared for a deck based in Black!
And then! Oh, the rage! Oh, the rage that they’ll feel!
I’ll ruin this format!” he raved with much zeal.
“It’s a combo in Black, based on Balustrade Spy.
I’ll mill all my cards, but it’s them that will die!
I’ll play sixteen rituals, eight rocks and eight Guides,
And four Narcomoeba, whose use is implied.
They let me cast Dread Return to bring back a beast.
Which one? Why, an Ooze from the Commander release!
The Mimeoplasm, what power it brings!
Copies Trike, and a Lord’s strength gives it dozens of pings!
The beauty of this, as those players will learn,
Is that I can do all of this on the very first turn!”
There were only three fears that he had with this stack.
A Thoughtseize, a Force, and the Leyline in Black.
“The sideboard” he pondered, “must deal with these cards.
Some genius technology to throw them off guard!
A Leyline, perhaps, perhaps one that is Blue.
Give all my spells flash! Yes, that’s what I’ll do.
Then Thoughtseize will no longer pose any threat.
I’ll kill in response, and leave them quite upset.
Oh but the Force! The Force!” he bemoaned.
“To handle their Force, I’ll run a Force of my own!
A Pact of Negation, whose potential has grown.
A free counter, of course, that I’ll use to protect
As I combo with cards that they’d never expect.”
Then he got an idea! A wicked idea!
The Brewer got a terrible, wicked idea!
“I’ll switch out my combo should a White Leyline arrive,
And combo off with an Angel of Glory’s Rise! “
Last, but not least, was Leyline of the Void,
Which a triad of Nature’s Claim he would deploy.
His deck at the ready, he went to the store.
The wondrous place that he’d oft been before.
He braved the cold weather, the snow and the slush.
And when he arrived his deck he kept hushed.
His first-round opponent looked on with a sneer.
As he made his intentions perfectly clear.
For he ran a Lands deck to show off his dough
And looked down on those that wouldn’t spend so.
The Brewer then glared as he drew and exclaimed,
“I’m terribly sorry but I believe that it’s game.”
Then the room, it went quiet. None dared say a word.
They all gathered ’round as soon as they heard
That the Brewer had done what was simply absurd.
“Nice trick,” his opponent said under his breath
As he glared with a glare that could frighten off Death.
The opponent prepared to play his very first land,
When the Brewer said “Stop” with a wave of his hand.
“I’ve effects before upkeep,” he said rather brash.
He put down a Leyline to give all his spells flash!
With fear in his eyes and his jaw on the floor,
The Lands guy was hit by the combo once more!
A spectator approached and he couldn’t resist
And asked if it’s the same as Adam Prosak’s list.
“You’re close, oh so close, but still very wrong.
For I’ve seen that version, and it’s not very strong.
To run LEDs and a Charbelcher board
Weakens the combo and should be abhorred.
And his eight cycling cards I simply can’t stand
For too many pieces get stuck in your hand!”
He sat down in Round 2 to a player with Fish
Who without hesitation asked him to dish
About how to beat this beast of a deck.
The Brewer, quite sporting, thought “Aww, what the Heck?”
“The easiest way is to mull down to Force.”
The Fish took his advice but too far, of course.
For his mull down to three proved far too unstable.
He had Force of Will, but to cast was unable.
Post-board Fish had kept with a full grip of cards
In hope that this match wasn’t really that hard.
He dropped down a Vial and his stomach did churn.
The Brewer then grinned as he drew for his turn.
“Let’s see if you have it” he said with some guile
And a series of spells that made the Fish smile.
“I’ve got Force of Will and it looks like you’re through”
But the Brewer then flashed him not one Pact, but two.
The Brewer sat back with a smile on his face
And one round away from claiming first place.
The finals he paired up against Sneak and Show
And shuffled his deck against his newest foe.
He combo’d off Game 1 with relative ease, his
Balustrade Spy made the game such a breeze.
Game 2 on the draw was something surprising.
Turn 1 Show and Tell was what he was despising.
The opponent dropped Emrakul and started to grin
For a Spy played right now would give him the win.
The Brewer then put an Informer in play
And went off on his own turn to finish the day.
The smile on his face and the credit he won
Had convinced the Brewer his work was not done.
For though he had won without too much trouble,
His efforts for next week he’d have to redouble.
As he thought of his progress, what else could he say?
His love of the format grew three sizes that day.
The Grinch by Tyler Priemer
As a test of my abilities as a writer, and for my own entertainment, I decided to write this article in the rhyme scheme of Dr. Seuss’s “How the Grinch Stole Christmas.” It was quite a challenge, but it was definitely a fun exercise as a wordsmith. If you enjoyed reading it half as much as I did writing it, then my job is done.
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