Jurassic Park IV

Written by Ryan the Goblin King on . Posted in Competitive Magic, Standard

Jurassic Park IV

Ryan the Goblin King

Hailing from Goblinville, IN, Ryan AKA the Goblin King has been brewing Standard decks since Kaladesh block. Ryan has only one goal as a competitive Magic player and that’s to participate in a pro tour where every participant brings with them only the finest in jank.

It all starts off with writer’s block. When you as a writer find the wall, hit the wall, and, a few months later, find out that the wall is still, very rigidly, right in front of you. That’s where I was when I started writing this article as I look back at the lack of any work over the last 3 months, wondering where the time went, wondering what I’ve been doing with my life, and wondering, most importantly, why I’ve decided to no longer keep my 1 and a half fans (I STILL THINK ABOUT YOU!) happy.

But I knew I needed to say something, that deep down there was SOMETHING that had to be said even if I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. So I did what I always do when I’m faced with a situation that seems unwinnable, and that is to look through the annals of the past for someone else who had overcome the seemingly impossible situation that I had found myself in. And lucky for me- I knew of such a person- Gwen Stefani from the acclaimed No Doubt. I couldn’t remember the album, or the song for that matter, but what I did remember was reading somewhere 10 years ago that Gwen had overcome the unfathomable beast that is the WRITER’S BLOCK and I was curious to see how she handled it and ended up making an album out of it.

The truth as I found was a bit murky (it all started with a choke-hold) but the lyrics of the song that embodied her experiences more then spoke for themselves as Gwen goes on to literally spell that shit out.

“What are you standing in one place?
Born to blossom, bloom to perish”

AND

“Look at you’re watch now,
You’re still a super hot female”

And just wow, if that first one didn’t speak to me, well, let me tell you that that second one certainly did. But it’s the truth right, being in your 20’s, still having those superpowers that your parents have long lost, and wondering, well “what are you waiting for”?

The answer? “Rotation”.

Yep, I’m just waiting everyday for those cards to rotate out and I’ll tell you why- because a shortened cardpool is a competitive brewers dream. You see, when the cardpool shortens so do the number of decks that appear, and when that market is smaller as they say in the economics world- that market can in effect be cornered. 4 foes you say?

But it’s never a waiting game, really it’s not. For already there is work to be done, a market to be cornered and a super hot female to be realized.

Let’s start with the dinosaur in the room, the vociferous velociraptor Rampaging Ferocidon. Like an old friend gone to soon come back to life- it truly was a shame (or good for the health of the format or whatever) that he had to be banished into purgatory so soon following his printing. But that was a different time period when red lands were dealing damage and Hazoret was still flying around and wrecking havock at mock-like speeds and well- back then saying that red could use a card or two (when two, TWO red cards were banned) at the same to reel in a deck that was clearly OP would be a bit shortsighted.

But now, now that people get zombies from playing literal f’ing lands and I think we’ve reached a point where things are favored so greatly for over-the-top decks that, something, anything needs to be done to reel in this unconscionable madness.

I have a brew to share with you today and it’s one that I’m very excited to try.

I remembered when I first built this deck and I thought to myself that it was a bit too good. With Ferocidon in the format- your opponent was effectively starting at 17 (or less!) in any games where they didn’t have an answer and when you added in the extra 3 of Burning Suns and you kind of start to see how hasted up Dino’s was easily getting there.

But it was all over so fast and I just never got the chance to see if it was all hype

Until now that is. Here’s my list:

Rotting Regisaur isn’t the reason you play black. Rotting Regisaur is that mediocre card that you side out in any half-grindy game but it’s just good enough that you can get away with it because most decks won’t have a reasonable solution to an attacking turn 3 7/6.

Then postboard your opponent will load up on Cast Downs and Mortifys and not only is the card no longer game winning but it then turns into the de facto (this is why you’re losing!) card in the 60 that you decided to go with as it rots your hand and any hopes you had at winning.

Black, rather, gives you access to those cards postboard that will flat out win you the game- Duress, Cast Down, Legion’s End, and most importantly, Noxious Grasp.

Now I would like to touch on the indefensible inclusion of the .25 Burning Sun’s Avatar and I don’t know- I’ll be honest- them rose colored glasses are full on tinted.

With one burn bro we had half a deck. But now we’ve got -3 from Ferocidon, so 17, then -14 from Regisaur so, 3, then well.

Mana confluence:

Ah the age old question of mana-dorks and their relative efficacy on the game. Each more destitute then the last, a 1/3, or how about this (with upside) 0/2? In this deck the only major options are Otepec Huntemaster and Drover of the Mighty but when you really, I mean REALLY think about it with Otepec it’s actually 2 mana you’re taking off the cost in terms of turns on account of haste and then it’s really a no-brainer even with Otepecs dis-synergy with Marauding Raptor factored in.

Why 4 Rampaging Ferocidon?

You’ll see.

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